Nights Like These

15 Apr

Things I Do When I Drink In Detroit


* Demand to know the middle names of every man that happens to make eye contact with me.

* Read my to-do list aloud to a crust punk who asked to bum a cigarette.

*Pour beer on the girl in front of me who kept hitting me during her MDMA seizure.

*Get high-fives from the crowd around me after pouring my beer on that girl.

*Cackle when the bartender calls me “Titty City.” (Note to self: add this to resume)

*Insist on wearing sunglasses during the cab ride to the hotel. .

*Explain to the rent-a-cop at the Courtyard Marriott that our cab driver was a goddamn crook and we are just good drunk citizens.

*Quote “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane” for 15 minutes before passing out.



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