This Is She

10 Feb

She knows how to work hard but she isn’t sure that it means anything. She knows just enough to be embarrassed about what she doesn’t know. She is good to people who don’t deserve it and there’s not much she won’t do for money, sex and drug trades excluded. She isn’t greedy – she just knows that bills have to be paid and pride has no cash value.

She doesn’t see the point of doing anything unless she is the best, so in her closet sit abandoned projects. Bits of yarn and swathes of fabric that were not going to shape up to be the best, so now they are nothing. She sleeps crooked, on the couch, when she thinks she’s not worthy of the bed. She wasn’t the best wife and she’s probably not a very good girlfriend. She’s afraid pretty much all the time, of failing and succeeding in equal measure. Of continuing to make the wrong decisions that push her back and further still.

Lately, her greatest dream is to be good enough.

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