Archive | April, 2013

The Truth

30 Apr

I’ve got the soul of an office manager and the body of a sexually frustrated Burlesque dancer. I’m telling you the truth. I wish I could be one of those people that just doesn’t care about things like taxes, baseboards, and Mother’s Day. But I care so baaaaaaaad, you guys. 

I try to look like someone that doesn’t care. I’ve got a big black tattoo on my chest and I brush my hair, oh, not that much. But the idea of not getting my taxes in on time or having dirty baseboards just makes me want to die. (please note – this does not mean I will clean the baseboards, just that I will feel bad about it and remind myself that my older sister has impeccable baseboards that bitch) AND EVERYONE ELSE HAS TO CARE, TOO. Everyone else must be miserable and not good enough as much as I am not good enough.

Basically, I’m the worst and I’ve spent my life trying to be the best. It’s exhausting, friends. I do think there’s something to be said about the value of self-improvement and self-loathing. But for now, I’ve scheduled a FaceTime date with my boyfriend so we can discuss Mother’s Day gifts that I’m ghost-buying for him because YOU HAVE TO BE GOOD AT MOTHER’S DAY OKAY GOD. 

Can’t Tell

18 Apr

I am not an exceptional person. I have no expectations of an exceptional life. I don’t know if I have settled for a benign path or if there was even a choice to be made anywhere along the line. My dreams have reduced to where I just want to sleep next to the man I love, have a baby, and enough money to raise that baby in a respectable fashion. More or less. Am I boring? Stupid? Am I making a mistake? 


$10 A Day

11 Apr

Today, I remembered in high school we had a creative writing teacher (snort) named Mr. Joseph who was small and tan. I overheard him once in the library telling a group of teenage boys that after graduation they should visit Turkey. Because you could get drugs and a hooker for like $10 bucks a day and the weather was nice. 

That’s all. I have no insightful commentary.