Archive | June, 2013


28 Jun

Ok so in my family, we say, “Did you bump your noodle?” and that means, “Did you hit your head?” But to the rest of the world, if you say that, you sound kind of like a pervert. 

In Which I Smell Really Bad

26 Jun

I’ve gotten to the point, while watching TV as I am working at home, that today I was all, “Ooh! That’s Jesus from True Blood and and Kinsey from Mad Men on an episode of Law and Order: SVU!” 

So now it’s time to go outside and maaaaaybe take a shower. 

You’re A Fool and I’m Another

25 Jun

I don’t know how other people DO things, you know? I lack a sense of normalcy. I’m always checking in with other people on shit like this. How much money do you spend on groceries? Would you eat a lunch this big? Do you look at your husband and feel his blood in your veins? Do you, too, just complete little projects to pass the time that end up, like, being your life? IS THAT OKAY? 

In a high-pressure situation, I’m fiiiiiiine. I’m fine, you guys. I can function in tension but the flow of my life is ebbing right now and I am tearing my goddamn hair out. IT’S SO BORING. I’m bored. I am bored because basically everything is okay and that doesn’t seem like nearly enough life to be living. If I’m not surviving something, what the fuck am I supposed to be doing with myself?



Things You Should Know About My Dad

19 Jun

When we go out to breakfast and the waitress asks him if he wants bacon or sausage, he just says, “Yes.” 


17 Jun

I’m pounding a kombucha before I go to sleep in the guest bed of my parent’s house, a house I never got to live in. I’m hoping the live cultures will eat all the sugar I’ve put in my belly today, which was a lot and probably is not how live cultures work at all. I feel heavy and hateful at this time of night in the best of circumstances and right now I just want to ruin someone’s day. I am not my best self lately but goddamn do I make a lot of money. 

Things You Should Know About Me

1 Jun

I have my parent’s phone number listed in my contacts as “Home” even though I haven’t lived with them for 12 years.