If There’s Anything Good About Me

9 Aug

I’m the only one who knows.

I’m having a bout of spiritual malaise and as such, my ritual is to strip down and take to my bed. I crawled between the sheets this evening, heaved a big sigh, and considered the Universe / what might make me feel better. My heart settled on the White Stripes, particularly the song above.

I started listening to this band when I was only 18. I bought White Blood Cells in part to impress my friend Nikki and partly because I had seen a White Stripes video on MTV2 and I was totally transfixed. Nikki was from Detroit and therefore not impressed. But I was totally hooked on this gorgeous brother and sister but not really siblings  so maybe they had sex and that seemed hot in addition to the music being what it is. Which is, of course, real good. I bought their entire catalog.

The summer after my senior year in college, I had to get 3 more credits to finish my degree. I chose a pottery class because it seemed easy and inoffensive, which ended up being completely misguided. Making pottery is fucking hard and I was in a class full of  over-achieving housewives. The best part, though, was listening to Get Behind Me, Satan on my iPod mini while I worked the clay, alone in the studio. I was 23, a summer away from getting married, and completely terrified to become an adult. I have incredibly fond memories of that album and that silent alone time I had with it.

Later on when my marriage was folding in on itself, I pulled out my record player and listened to their version of “Jolene” obsessively. I knew I was losing my husband, maybe not to another woman. But he was slipping away and even Jack White couldn’t get him to stay.

Now I am 32, with messy hair and a tear-stained face. Still not sure there is anything good about me. I would probably know by now.

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