Archive | June, 2016

An Open Letter to Genghis Khan

7 Jun

I have shoveled shit in the form of first date (and further) conversation for 6 years. I have heard ridiculous, stupid, offensive things. I used to think that these guys were feeding me these lines because they figured I was stupid. But mostly it’s that men think they are terribly smart and very sneaky.

To the men who have told me on first dates that they areĀ nomads and can’t be tied down to one woman, I say this: You are not Genghis Khan. You are not a nomad. You do not travel the Earth. You won’t even meet me on my side of town for a drink. You have lived in Traverse City for 10 years. You are not a nomad. You just want to fuck around, with anyone who will let you. And that’s fine! But don’t present this to me as some fucking philosophy, some adherence to your primal roots. I’m not stupid and you, again, are not Genghis Khan. You work at a car wash and can’t cut up a chicken. Spare me your high-minded thoughts on monogamy , which – if I have not made myself clear – is completely unrelated to beingĀ nomadic. Which you are not.

I have heard more and I have heard less.

I don’t want to talk to you because it’s a beautiful day.

I can’t sleep over because my cat is afraid of the dark and I really need to be home with him.

I can only meet at 3:30 and if you can’t meet at 3:30 WE ARE NEVER GOING TO WORK.

I just never know when I’m going to want to see you.

If you’re lucky I’ll make plans with you.

I don’t have to give you money for Plan B because I would help you raise the baby if you got pregnant.


I wasn’t tricked by any of this, you know? I go in with my eyes open. My heart and libido lead the way. But I know what I’m doing. I just don’t know why.



Wondering wondering

4 Jun

Who are you, my sweet readers? I see you behind the scenes. How did we find each other? Have I loved you? Why don’t you ever say hello?