I’ve been trying to tell this story for a while – turns out all it took was a low grade fever and a few beers.
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Wondering
29 SepWhat is the name of the thing where a girl finally realizes that being swept away to Paris is not, in fact, the most romantic thing a man could do for you?
Just So You Know
24 AugIf you feel the need to verbalize to me that you love women, I will instead hear this:
I hate women and want to punish them for my mother’s sins.
Every single time.
Taking Myself Off the Market
29 JulThis one is for the laaaaaaadies. And I guess, anyone who has ever gone on a date with a redheaded dickfarm who plays clarinet and doesn’t like tattoos EVEN THOUGH I CLEARLY HAVE TATTOOS.
No mittens, no pie 