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Oh Really?

30 Sep

I’ve been trying to tell this story for a while – turns out all it took was a low grade fever and a few beers.


29 Sep

What is the name of the thing where a girl finally realizes that being swept away to Paris is not, in fact, the most romantic thing a man could do for you?

Just So You Know

24 Aug

If you feel the need to verbalize to me that you love women, I will instead hear this:

I hate women and want to punish them for my mother’s sins.

Every single time.

Too Bad You Don’t Have Any Kids

8 Aug

Ever been on a date with a guy with fleas? I have!

Taking Myself Off the Market

29 Jul

This one is for the laaaaaaadies. And I guess, anyone who has ever gone on a date with a redheaded dickfarm who plays clarinet and doesn’t like tattoos EVEN THOUGH I CLEARLY HAVE TATTOOS.